CORP 6.9.20 Hard Conversations_HG_8PM

A Hard Conversation

June 09, 2020

Now, more than ever, we all need to be upping our game and not our gamey. We need to be listening better and having the hard, honest, and necessary conversations. Where we used to possibly try and not make waves and “get over ourselves,” all the while still grumbling inside (and/or gossiping outside) when someone told a joke, forwarded a meme, made a comment we didn’t appreciate, or worse, we need to speak our truth with grace and wisdom. Silence, after all, is an accomplice.So, how can you foster honesty in workplace relationships, let alone in personal ones?At Handel Group, we’ve been teaching clients how to have difficult conversations and the art of honesty for over twenty years, from CEOs to executives to parents to students to artists and more. In fact, we have taught it so many times that we’ve recorded the coaching in Module 10 of Inner.U CAREER, our online coaching course.What we have learned is that every good conversation has a balance of grace and wisdom. The wisdom part is saying the thing you need to communicate: the question or the request. The grace part is the way it’s communicated so that it’s easy to hear. Simple as it sounds, like anything else, it takes practice and, well, more practice. That's why we offer lifetime access to Inner.U, so you can revisit Module 10 over and over whenever the need for a hard conversation arises. Here Are The Basic Steps:1. Get permission before having the conversation.You don’t want to just walk into the office (or, these days, a Zoom call) and launch into a conversation the other person isn’t prepared for, doesn’t have time for, etc. You may say something like, “I want to have a conversation with you about X and Y because I’m really committed to our relationship. Is it okay for us to discuss this now?” If the person says “no” you can then ask, “when would you be available for the conversation?”2. Frame the conversation based on your commitment.I’m not a proponent of honesty for the sake of dumping. There should be a purpose behind the conversation, such as a commitment to your workplace or to the relationship. Explain the context for having the conversation. Usually the commitment is larger than the specific topic of the conversation you are having.3. Articulate your concerns about having the conversation.For example: “I’m afraid to have this conversation because I’m afraid you’ll get mad at me,” or “I’m concerned you’ll think this is none of my business,” or even “I’m afraid I’ll get in trouble.”4. Don’t assume your version is true.You have an opinion and think you know what the facts are. Get their truth about the situation. Ask “what do you think about what I just said?” I remember how a client of mine felt she did not have the position at work she deserved. The client had formed her own reasons why. However, on speaking with her boss, she discovered her assumptions were incorrect. When people avoid making assumptions, situations get resolved faster because there is more openness to hearing others’ perspectives. It also seems things are not taken as personally. We hide things, thinking we are protecting ourselves and others, when we are accomplishing neither. Most of us tell ourselves we are hiding out of kindness to the other person…this is almost never true! And, come on, if you aren’t being your real self how will you ever really feel known for who you are? Answer: You can’t.5. Preparation: Write it out, practice with a friend, coach, or both.Don’t roll your eyes. We have all our clients, co-workers, and friends write out their script first. It’s amazingly helpful and if you want to be sure your tone has the right balance of grace and wisdom, practice it with a friend. One that is committed to the resolution, not your former assumptions getting proven.P.S. It won’t just prepare you better, it will deepen your friendship.Of course, if you need more help, you can always schedule a coaching call to go over your hard conversation before you have it. Schedule a free consultation to learn more about our coaching services and schedule your first session!We know this is never easy. But, we also know that it’s easy to be great when times are great. It’s times exactly like these where we need, more than ever, to not stay silent and to teach and to listen and to act. People who speak up become leaders. When you become someone who tells the truth about how you feel and what you want, people relate to you differently. If you do it with grace, people will even want to be more honest with you. You will find yourself more powerful as a result of being someone who is willing to have the tough conversations and you will want to do something with it. Please do.Telling the truth to others starts with telling the truth to yourself. Join us for Innovate & Create, our daily corporate community coaching call, to learn more about having a vision and taking the right actions to become the leader you want to be, both personally and professionally.6. Listen UP (as in, from your higher self).Listening is also key...

Re-introducing Our Workshop: AwkwardWhat if in order to heal bias in our lifetime, we have to not only hurry, we have to understand it and get radically honest about it first?In this groundbreaking, historical, and powerful workshop, we’re going to open up about how closed many of us still are about our prejudices. Not because we don’t believe in the right thing — many of us actually do — but because we don’t know how to live by what we believe. In this workshop, we will teach you how to dig deep, be honest with yourself, and find the false truths that lie within as it relates to race, ethnicity, and diversity. Awkward is for those who wish to create a more inclusive environment and understand we will first have to heal, forgive, and do something about century-old hurts in order to build a future––an unexpected one.Interested in bringing this content to your company or group? Email [email protected] to learn more.

Inner.U CAREER is our online coaching course that gives you the tools you need to stop playing small in such a HUGE area of your life. Whether you’re out to find a new job, step up and lead at your current one, resolve issues with other humans, like your boss, team members, or peers, curate your thoughts, deal with your negative traits, or cause INSPIRED results.Purchase today and you are eligible to join Executive Coach, Chrisa Zindros Boyce, in an 8-week exclusive Inner.U CAREER Masterclass Series that will get you clear and inspired in your career,pandemic or not.From wherever (read: HOME), whenever! (read: NOW!)The Inner.U CAREER Masterclass beginsWednesday, June 10th @ 5:30PM ET.You have less than 24 hours to join!

TRUE-ly yours,Handel Group