The 5 Mistakes that Lead to Unhappiness

I believe we were meant to be happy. I am also certain it was meant to be a challenge to get and stay happy. Otherwise, we'd take it for granted and get bored. Therefore, life is about the pursuit of happiness. 

I used to be generally unhappy, and now I am generally happy. How? By avoiding these five key blunders, people can make in their pursuit of happiness. 

The 5 “Don’ts” ... if you want to be happy:

1) You don't have a dream.

Do you still dream? As kids, most of us dream boldly and publicly. But as we notice that not all our dreams come true and that it can be embarrassing to admit to one we may fail at, we stop talking about and having them. But in the present moment (all we have), dreams make us happy, even if they don't come true. We start every client at Handel on a diet of dreams in all areas of their lives. Focusing on dreaming improves everything, even if it initially feels vulnerable and scary.

Lauren will be teaching all about this and more starting Monday in our Learn To Human Better Masterclass:

2) You let fear and brattiness rule you.

What stops you from daring to dream? Brattiness and the fear of disappointment. At Handel, we have found with numerous clients that taking action towards your dream in the face of fear makes people happy and proud. This kind of action is the most important determinant of happiness. Many people have the misconception that success makes them happy, but we find that living with integrity makes people the happiest from moment to moment. That means fighting the chicken and brat in your head and demanding that your actions align with your dreams.

3) You're not accountable.

Are you holding yourself accountable for achieving your dreams? Even when you have a dream and can argue against the voices in your head, sometimes the actions consistent with your ideals don’t happen. Why? You're not accountable. The consequences of bad choices (or not taking action toward your dream) show up over such a long stretch that you don't notice or feel them until it's too late (you've just had a heart attack, gotten divorce papers, or lost your job). Get a coach or a coaching buddy to make promises with so they can help you stay accountable for your dreams. Extra credit if that person holds you to effective consequences when you don't take actions in alignment with your dreams. For example, if you cheat on your diet, you must mow your friend's lawn. Now that's accountability!

4) You don't speak up.

Do you have something to say? Only a few things will kill your buzz once you get the hang of living in integrity (1-3 above). Having something to say and not saying it is the most common. Things you aren't saying include: how you feel, what you want, 'fess-ups’ to wrong doings, 'fess-ups’ to feeling wronged, taboo topics, and constructive criticism.  Ensure you can speak up by listing everything you should discuss and putting dates next to them to determine when you'll have those difficult conversations. No matter how long it takes, making this commitment is important to your self-respect.

5) You blame others.

Who’s calling the shots? Don’t forget that YOU are the "author" of your life and that it's good news! This doesn't mean that everything in your life that's not working is your fault; it means you have power.
 
Lauren Zander has spent over twenty years helping humans do what it takes to make real changes in their lives. And she will be teaching a FREE Masterclass, Learn to Human Better™, over 8 weeks starting on 3/17. If you already have inner.U, our online coaching, you can sign up or schedule a free 30-minute call with a coach to learn more.

We look forward to helping you Human Better in 2025!

With gratitude and appreciation,
Kimberly, Lauren, and the Inner.U team