To the Imperfect Mother

“Being a good parent/mom is not about being perfect, it’s about owning your mistakes.” - Lauren Zander.

This came as a total relief to me. I had been carrying a list against myself of all the ways I was not a perfect mom. On that list were all the times I lost my patience, reacted with anger instead of love, and didn’t prioritize playing with my kids over working. I also had my divorce on that list.

The thing about mom guilt is that we are not the only ones who carry that weight. It gets passed down and gets in the way of connection. If I am feeling bad about the past, how is that impacting the present? For the divorce example, I could not be present to my daughter’s sadness about her life changing. She missed her dad, her dogs, and her old school. When she cried and told me all that, I tried to talk her out. “But this school is so much better and you have a bigger room and…” I could not sit with the pain that my decision caused and this is also when I hired a coach.

My coach had me list all I held against myself and helped me narrow it down to what I needed to own and apologize to my kids. I got my list and wrote out the conversation I would have. I asked them if I could apologize for some things I was not proud of in the past. When I talked to my daughter about the divorce and her experience, and apologized for not being with her sadness and trying to change it, she cried, and I cried. I was able to be with her now. It was such a relief for both of us. She forgave me, and then I was able to forgive myself.

This gift of owning my mistakes has carried over into all areas of my life. It is empowering and connecting and allows me to be back here in this moment with those I love, doing what I love. We get to help many clients learn to apologize and own their mistakes. It is freeing to embrace being a flawed human and committing to doing better in the future. We can help you resolve your past and enjoy your present, too.

To err is human, to own it and forgive ourselves is divine. Happy Mother’s Day, you beautifully imperfect humans. We love you.

With gratitude and appreciation,
Kimberly, Lauren, and the Inner.U team